Debbie Nathan

In an episode from the late 1950s or early 60s, Alan Funt approached people outside an employment agency and described the most disgusting, ill-paid work imaginable – he called it something like “The Job from Hell.” It involved shoveling offal in a “flaming pit,” with sweltering temperatures, deadly germs, and a salary of $60 for 100 hours a week. “Wouldja take this? It’s an immediate hire,” said Funt. Maybe the people he collared (caveat: they were not undocumented) recognized Funt as a celebrity. Maybe they knew they were being filmed. “Sure,” one man answered, “I’ll take it.” “Yeah,” said another. And another. Har har har! Smile! You’re on Candid Camera!

Funt is long gone, and so is sneak filming. Cameras are in the open now, along with this question: Will post-moderns do anything for 15 minutes of fame?

We already know they’ll sing when they can’t sing, dance with two left feet, curse at and strike their spouses, offer their bodies to plastic surgeons for carving, suffer catty putdowns from talk show hosts, talent scouts, and “survivor” program peers.

And now, we learn, they’ll indenture their offspring.

New Mexico’s attorney general is investigating the upcoming CBS reality show Kid Nation on suspicion of violating child labor laws. The series is slated to premiere on September 19 and will feature 40 children, ages 8 to 15, who spent almost six weeks in the desert building – as CBS puts it – “an adult-free society.” They were on call 24/7 and often worked 14 hours or more every day. For this they were guaranteed $5,000. Yup, sounds like illegal child labor, but CBS says it wasn’t acting as an employer and thus wasn’t subject to labor laws. The 40 kid’s parents seem to have agreed. They gave permission for their sons and daughters to make the series. (Click here to see the contract they signed.) As a result, several children accidentally drank bleach while working, and one got burned in a cooking accident.

But who cares about exploitation when you’ve got a chance to be discovered?

Is this principle the answer to America’s labor problem?

It’s not that we don’t have warm, U.S.-born bodies for our lettuce fields, maid services and fast food joints – it’s just that no one wants to do these crappy jobs for prevailing wages and working conditions, except foreigners who had it even crappier in their native lands. But these days they’re not so welcome in this country. And they’d be less welcome if we could get recalcitrant native labor to take their place. Incarcerating some and placing them in prison workshops has helped a bit. Still, you can’t lock up everyone.

But how about putting them on TV?

Imagine the new show: W-2 Idol. Stakhanovism minus the tractors, updated with Lamborghinis and MacMansions for grand prizers, down to IPods for honorable mention. People wishing to compete would make themselves available for no wages. No vacations, either, or safety guarantees or health insurance. The word worker would drop out of our vocabulary to be replaced by contestant. Enterprising bosses – oh, excuse me, producers -- could recruit hundreds of thousands of contestants. Workplaces would become sets. And instead of GNP, we’d have RATINGS.

Everything would be in English, though it might be somewhat misspelled.

Happy Labor Day!

Labor Day flash: The September 3 New York Times reports CBS is worried that no state will allow it to film a second edition of Kid Nation. So the network is thinking of off-shoring its operations to a country like Mexico, and doing a maquiladora version of the show. Few kids in Mexico go to school past sixth grade, and lots are out working by age 10 (uh, that’s why their parents want to move them to the US). Great idea, CBS!